Readme.txt (in case of death)

on Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 7:45pm

I wrote this four years ago when I “upgraded” to CS2. It still applies today with the simple substitution of the word DELL for ADOBE. BTW, I LOVE Windows Vista, especially when the automatic updater installs a blue screen. I don’t have the energy to write a whole new one for Dell after 12 hours on and off the phone with their “tech support” AKA people who tell you how to reboot your computer 17 different ways and use a simple system restore function for days on end, but believe me, it would be a KILLER.

If you are reading this letter and I am dead, please forward it to the proper authorities.

I WAS MURDERED BY ADOBE® TECH SUPPORT.

Dear Authorities:

Please follow these simple directions to determine the responsible parties punishible for my utimely and painful death.

1. Call 1-206-675-6307 if you think it was ADOBE® Illustrator that brought my mortal days to an end.
A. Press 2 because you do not have a support plan already in place.
B. Press 2 again since this is obviously not an installation issue – rather the opposite as I have now been permanently “uninstalled” from life.
C. Press 1 if you tried to solve the mystery yourself by accessing ADOBE’s® incrediby useful (if you are an ADOBE® tech) website before calling this number.

***HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD (OR ANYONE’S CREDIT CARD) AVAILABLE.

2. Call 1-206-675-6311 if you believe it was ADOBE® InDesign that eventually did me “in”.
and follow A. B. and C. Above ***HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD (OR ANYONE’S CREDIT CARD) AVAILABLE.

3. If you suspect that ADOBE® Photoshop was the specific cause of my demise, dial 1-206-675-6303 and follow A. B. and C. Above ***HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD (OR ANYONE’S CREDIT CARD) AVAILABLE.

4. It may be that you have surmised the entire ADOBE® Creative Suite 2 has conspired to snuf me out. If this is the case, dial 1-206-756-6330, follow A. B. and C. Above ***HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD (OR ANYONE’S CREDIT CARD) AVAILABLE and be sure to reference Case #171650945 or have the serial number handy.

5. Wait two hours for an e-mail response to your long-distance telephone inquiry.

6. When you are sure nothing is coming by e-mail, go back to the website www.adobe.com and search the document numbers you jotted down as the tech muttered them under his breath.

7. Watch your back, they may be coming for you next.

God bless the U.S.A. and Dell